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View Article Family Life > Family Living
Untying the Knots of Anger The man I was counseling seemed a little afraid. He needed to be a lot afraid. I told him so. Jerry had been deeply involved in building his own business through most of his three daughters' growing up. Now they are pulling away from him. He worked long hours, weekends, and rarely took vacations. Because of his strong personality, tenderness did not seem to be in his vocabulary. As a result, he had filled his daughters' hearts with anger. As we work with couples and families, we've observed that anger has many tragic consequences in a marriage or family. Let's look at three of the most deadly. 1. Anger Creates Distance Anger almost always creates an unhealthy distance. In Jerry's family his three daughters were slowly showing dad they don't feel safe around him. If you are married to an angry man or woman, he or she will try to create distance between you. You may want to get close, but the offended one will pull away. Angry people refuse closeness. 2. Anger Pushes Us Into Misery Unresolved anger can rip away our perspective and throw us into chaos. We don't know where we are going. We can't think logically. We don't realize what we're doing to ourselves, and those we love. As we blindly lurch and stumble, our families become candidates for serious, possibly permanent, injuries of the heart. We've talked to so many people who, after years of going to church and counseling, have still not found peace. After hearing their story, the major reason for their failure is deep-seated anger. They are unwilling to forgive or seek forgiveness, and as a result, they hide secret caches of darkness in their lives-little toxic waste dumps seeping bitterness, gradually poisoning their home. 3. Anger Ties Us in Knots Like few other emotions, anger restricts and binds us, tying us in internal knots. Forgiveness, on the other hand sets us free from those bonds, untying the knots that hold us captive. Much like rope tied around our feet or hands, anger hinders and hampers us. Children who grow up embittered and angry are handcuffed and hobbled, prevented from discovering their potential. Here are five attitudes to Untie a Person's Anger Knots 1. Become soft and tender with the person. 2. Understand, as much as possible, what the other person has endured. 3. Admit the person has been wounded, and be sure to admit any wrong in provoking that hurt. 4. Seek forgiveness -- and gently wait for a response. 5. Touch the person gently. After many attempts to seek forgiveness and untie his daughters' knots, Jerry finally reconciled with his three daughters. Since our relationship time is so brief in life, let's not allow precious days and weeks and months to be shadowed by the bitterness and separation of unresolved anger. With God's help, let's take the initiative to untie the knots …while we still can.
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