1. Have you tried online dating? . . . church? . . . bars? . . . any other option?
Really? Why didn't I think of that? It's hard not to be sarcastic when our well-meaning, but uniformed friends try to "help" us singletons find romance. Those of us who are reluctantly single have most assuredly tried whatever you're going to suggest. So the best thing is not to offer unless we specifically ask for your ideas.
2. Do you just not WANT to date?
That may be the case, but if we DO want to date but aren't having any success, the question will only make us feel worse about our current situation. If you DON'T want to date, it really isn't a topic that makes for casual conversation. All in all, a bad choice.
3. You're single again?
This is a question that could bring up some bad feelings. Maybe your friend just went through a break-up. Maybe it wasn't their choice. Maybe it was, but they feel badly about it. You may think you're making a joke, but it's better to leave that question alone. It's kind of like picking at an old injury… it can get messy.
4. Are you afraid of commitment?
If the answer is, "Yes. I'm terrified of commitment!" what will you say? Why bring up a problem to which you have no solution? However, more often than not, the answer to that question is a resounding "No!" But there again, the question brings up issues that may be painful, or a tender subject.
5. You know what you're doing wrong?
Why does being single mean I must be doing something wrong? The fact that someone is single doesn't mean they're doing something wrong. Conversely, being in a relationship doesn't mean you're doing something right – it just means you're in a relationship.
6. I used to date this guy/girl…I didn't really like him/her, but would you like me to introduce you?
This is just wrong on so many levels! First, it says that you don't think that much of the person you used to date. Secondly, you don't think that your friend is as discerning or concerned as you. It could very well be that you used to date someone that you think may be a better fit for your friend. If that is the case, please try to frame it in a different context.
7. Oh, can I trade places with you??
This is probably one of the most insensitive things that people say. Sadly, we single people hear it all the time! The reality of the situation is that most single people would love to trade places with you. And when you say things like this, you think that you are trying to lessen the impact of their loneliness, but that is not the way it comes across. You may long for the freedom of singleness from time to time but you really don't want to trade places with us. You just don't remember, or have never really experienced what it is like to be alone. Granted, being in a relationship is challenging, but the benefits far outweigh the hard times.
8. But you're so pretty/handsome! Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
On the surface it may look like a compliment and it may smell like a compliment, but it tastes like vinegar. Looks don't determine a person's value or marketability but you're communicating that they do. Which begs the question, "Am I not pretty/handsome ENOUGH?"
9. Are you just too picky?
Picky is not one of those adjectives that carry a positive connotation. Selective, knows what he/she wants, careful, discerning. All of those work. "Picky"… not so much. Sometimes it seems that a median doesn't exist between being desperate and being picky. If you don't leap at every opportunity that arises, then you're labeled picky; it doesn't have to be that way.
10. So, why are you single?
So, why are you married/dating? No one likes being made to feel as though they have to defend their position. Maybe I'm just single because I'm not taken? No reason.
There are lots of things you can discuss with your single friends. Current events. Work. Religion. Politics. The Weather. What they did over the weekend. The best thing to remember when you are talking to your single friends is this: if you would find it rude and inappropriate to be asked personal questions about your intimate relationships, then the same holds true for them. If your single friend wants advice, or for you to fix them up on a date, they will let you know. There is more to all of us than our marital status.
