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Marriage > Communication

Eight Secrets to Conflict Resolution
By: Family First Staff
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In his book, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life... And Loving It!, Dr. Neil Clark Warren provides eight key secrets to working through conflict in marriage.

1. Recognize Marriage as a "We" Business

Dr. Warren says, "Any couple who gains a 'we' perspective eventually experiences great success in marriage." Begin shifting the focus of your marriage to a "we" mentality, especially in conflict. 

2. Process the Data as Quickly as Possible

Deal with conflict by getting problems out in the open and dealing with them head-on. Don't let issues fester.

3. Stick to the Subject

If you are in the middle of an argument with your spouse, stay focused on resolving that current conflict. Don't throw old fights or problems into the discussion. 

4. Don't Intimidate

Some people become more concerned with "winning" a fight than working through the conflict. They may become mean, intimidating or threatening in order to stay in the fight. In Dr. Warren's words, "Intimidation may result in victory for an individual, but I've never seen it produce victory for the marriage."

5. No Name-Calling

Establish a rule with your spouse that there will be no name-calling during a fight. This will only lead to more hurt and emotional distance.

6. Turn Up Your Listening Sensitivity

While it may be hard to actively listen to your spouse when your emotions are running high from an argument, you must take the time to try to see their side. This is key to the road to resolution. And, if your spouse feels listened to, they will be more willing to listen to what you have to say, as well.

7. Practice Give and Take

"What we must understand is that marriage is a partnership and therefore requires both give and take to be successful," says Dr. Warren. 

8. Celebrate Every Victory

Recognize your victories when you successfully work through a conflict together. Focus on the progress you have made as a couple and the new strengths that you have together.

This article is based on the book, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life: And Loving It!, by Neil Clark Warren. To order this book from Amazon.com, click here.