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Family Life > Coping and Loss

5 Ways to Survive a Tragedy
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Relationships in crisis. Separation. Children in serious trouble. Financial stress—unemployment, even bankruptcy. Chronic or terminal illnesses, or maybe the loss of a spouse. Tragedy touches every one of us, even our president, Mark Merrill's family is houseless but not homeless after an unexpected series of events.

Difficulty is a fact of life. Terrible stuff happens and we'd be foolish to pretend otherwise. So what do we do? How should we respond? Is there any way to simply survive?

The short answer is, "Yes. Where there is life, there is hope."

The longer response goes more like this: "Sometimes all we can do is live in this moment, and believe that the next moment may possibly offer a step forward. There may not be any easy answers, but human beings were created to survive, and we are equipped with amazing resources we're often unaware of until we need them."

That said here are a few ways to survive something tragic:

1.    Honestly talk with someone

Human beings were created to live in community. Isolation goes contrary to our design. The proverb declares "A three-fold cord is not easily broken." The places where we will certainly snap on our own become exponentially stronger when we have the support of friends.  While being around them, we should speak the truth about the trouble.  Doing this can take away a lot of its power. Lies and secrets tend to unwind the three-fold cord. The truth really can set us free.

2.    Act on the truth

Once the terrible thing is out in the open, and its power to defeat us has been deflated, we now have the freedom to act. There is help, there are resources; we don't have to be alone. The house may be gone—that's tragic—but now credit can be rebuilt. Relationships may be shattered—that's tragic—but healing can begin from this moment. A tragedy was not avoided and a life was lost—that's tragic—but we have this moment, and then the next moment to begin to live again.  And that is the ultimate truth, that there's still hope.

3.    Be realistic

There's a difference between hope and wishful thinking. Wishful thinking is the realm of Disney, Jiminy Cricket, and cartoon characters. The idea of hope is rooted in the understanding that light is stronger than darkness, that belief makes a positive difference, and that life is worth the struggle. Reality says "I will still struggle, but it's a worthwhile struggle and I'm going to be OK." Wishful thinking only leads to disappointment.  Sometimes a little perspective is all it takes to tip the balance toward hope. We're not talking denial here, but a realistic appraisal that takes note of what's right as well as what's gone wrong. 

4.    Second chances

Sometimes terrible things come with blame. Don't confuse responsibility with condemnation. It's wise and imperative to take responsibility for our failures, but self-condemnation is never the right move. Take responsibility, make amends, forgive yourself, and then move on.  Besides giving yourself a chance, you also need to give someone else a chance.  This is especially true when someone's hurt you.  Hanging onto guilt doesn't work; and holding blame over other people doesn't work, either. Forgiveness is important if we want to survive something terrible. But, again, this is something we shouldn't have to handle alone. Get help, get past it, and get on with tomorrow.

5.    Believe in God

The saying goes, "Seeing is believing." But, as often as not, it's the believing that comes before the seeing. Sometimes, after something terrible happens, we simply can't see the next step in the road or even the possibility of the next moment. That's when we have to believe when God tells us that hope is possible, and we have to believe it despite ourselves. Then—and only after our foot is in the air and we're about to put it down—the faintest light comes on and we see just enough to take the next, halting step.  One foundational truth remains: light will always defeat darkness. Just a small amount of light can illuminate a huge dark space. Goodness, honesty, love, honor, courage, patience, kindness…all these virtues overcome darkness.  All these things are found in God

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